Supporting Friendships in Early Years Settings

When a child watches others play but doesn’t know how to join in, it’s tempting to say, “Go and ask if you can play.” Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes the child needs more help. Supporting friendships in early years settings means knowing when to offer that help and when to give children time to work things out together.

How Young Children Make Friends

Some children enjoy playing in a group. Others prefer playing with one or two friends. Notice who a child looks for each morning, who they bring a toy over to and whether that child wants to play too. These everyday moments can tell you more than asking how many friends a child has.

You don’t need to expect every child to be outgoing. A quieter child may be happy looking at a book with a familiar playmate. Head Start’s preschool social-development framework includes friendships with preferred playmates as part of children’s social development.

With toddlers, don’t expect long games or detailed conversations. Watching another child, copying an action or briefly offering a toy can be a place to start. The guides to jogo paralelo e jogo associativo explain these early ways of playing near and with other children.

Helping A Child Join In

Start by watching the game with the child who wants to join. What are the other children doing? What could this child add? You can help them find a way into the game without changing what everyone else is playing.

For example, if children are running a pretend cafe with a play kitchen, a child who wants to join could ask, “Can I bring the cups?” That gives them something to do in the game that is already happening.

Help the children already playing welcome someone new. If they agree, you might suggest showing the new child where the cups go or asking what they would like to make. Once the children are talking and playing together, step back while staying close enough to help.

Children don’t have to use a spoken question to join in. Offering a toy, pointing or using a familiar communication aid can also show interest. Give the other children time to respond, and avoid answering for the child before they have had a chance.

Keeping Shared Play Going

When children start something together, try to give them time to finish it or a way to come back to it. You don’t always need to plan a new activity. An unfinished game can give the same children a reason to play together again.

If two children are making a road with brinquedos de construção, ask whether they want to keep working on it later. You may be able to leave it in place if it won’t block a walkway or get in the way of cleaning. Otherwise, help the children sketch their plan and put aside the pieces they want to use again.

When children return to a shared drawing or model, each child needs room to work. If you’re choosing preschool tables, check whether both children can reach what they need without moving or covering each other’s work. A bigger table won’t necessarily help if the materials are still out of reach.

Helping Children Work Through Disagreements

Even children who enjoy each other’s company will disagree. If the play becomes unsafe, step in straight away. Once both children are calm enough, help them explain what happened. A child may stop arguing and still feel upset with their friend.

For example, one child might take a puzzle piece that another is still using. You could say, “You were trying to put that piece in when it was taken.” Give both children a chance to explain before deciding what should happen next.

Help them put things right in a way that fits what happened. That might mean returning the piece and asking before taking another one. Saying “sorry” can be part of this, but the children also need to know what to do differently when they play again.

You don’t need to insist on a hug or make the children play together immediately. Give them a break if they need one. Check in later to see whether they are comfortable playing together again and whether the same problem is happening.

When A Child Is Being Left Out

Not wanting to play at a particular moment is different from repeatedly leaving someone out. Watch for a child who is always turned away, only allowed to watch or told to stop playing with other friends. NAEYC’s guidance on exclusion and hurtful friendship behavior explains why these patterns need attention.

If you hear, “You can only play with me if you stop playing with them,” respond to those words without calling the child mean or unkind. You might say, “Your friend can play with other children too. You can ask when they’d like to play with you.”

You can respect a child’s choice of friends while setting a clear limit on threats and hurtful behavior. If the same child keeps being left out, look at what is happening in the group. Don’t keep sending that child back to ask again without helping the others change how they respond.

Talking With Families About Friendships

When a parent asks, “Does my child have friends?” share something you actually saw. You could describe how their child invited someone to look at a drawing and what happened next. Explain whether it was a new moment or something you have noticed several times, rather than giving a general answer that everything is fine.

Ask what the child says at home as well. You may hear about a game or an incident you missed. Listen to the family’s concerns, and be clear about what you know and what you still need to find out.

Keep brief notes so that anyone supporting the child knows what has been happening. Write down what the child said or did instead of using labels such as “unfriendly” or “the shy one.” Follow your setting’s rules for keeping these notes private.

If a child stays upset or continues to struggle to join in, agree with the family on what you will try and when you will talk again. If more help is needed, follow your setting’s process for arranging additional support.

Perguntas frequentes

1. What Can You Do When A Child’s Favorite Friend Is Away?

   Let the child know it’s okay to miss their friend. You could offer a familiar activity to start the day or help them make a drawing to give their friend later. Don’t promise when the friend will return unless you know, and don’t rush the child to find someone else to play with.

2. Should Friends Move To A New Classroom Together?

   A familiar friend may help with the move, but you also need to consider whether each child is ready and what care they need. If the children move to different rooms, you could arrange a visit or shared playtime where your setting allows it. Explain the plans to families without promising that friends will always stay in the same class.

3. Should You Help Families Arrange Playdates?

   You can offer a way for interested families to get in touch, if your setting allows it. Ask permission before sharing contact details, and leave the decision to meet outside preschool to the families. Children should still have chances to make friends during the day, whether or not their families can arrange playdates.

Conclusão

Supporting friendships is part of everyday classroom life, not a task you finish with one successful activity. Small changes are worth noticing, even when progress is uneven. Give children time to get to know one another without expecting every day to go smoothly.

If you’re reviewing your classroom, you can share the children’s ages and your room plan with Mundo Xiair to discuss furniture and play materials that fit the space.